so shoot me.

2010-06-09T07:44:00.000-07:00

oh wow. i had some trouble with my pop up blocker and ended up with free laptops. again. but the real good news is right after that, i received an email by a turk in england revealing that i just inherited USD$45 million dollars. so adding that to the lottery email and the other email from nigeria, it seems that i am about have a windfall. so lets see... that adds up to another 13 free laptops and 4.9 billion dollars! geez, i am already having trouble putting away the other laptops i've won previously. currently using them to slot open doors and jack up my unbalanced table. ok, so all i have to do now is give him my name, contact number, country of residence, address, age and occupation. maybe i should forward him my bank account and credit card number as well. just in case.

finally, i can pay off my bills and study loan. talk about goodwill. people from overseas seems to really understand the joy of giving. :)

2008-12-27T08:56:00.000-08:00

two years has passed just like that, and tomorrow she is going to leave.
we all have grown really attached to her, especially me, i think.
shw has been almost like a sister to me.
and as much as i want to send her off tomorrow, i just can't.
i still have duties to fulfill, and i can't lose focus now. sad.
i have never been really good with feelings in the past.
i let it overrun me, causing me to make too many mistakes.
but i think i've stopped letting my emotions affect me in any way now.
feelings come, and feelings go. the same goes to people. i finally figured.
it's always better to hurt someone else now, than you hurting yourself, later.
okay, this year is going to officially end on an extremely low note.
and life IS going to suck without a maid.

anyway, good news. good news.
i'm going to be a sergeant soon.
and i think i deserve the perfect end to the week as a way of rewarding myself after all the torture that i went through.
anddd, nothing can ever beat having the house to youself on a sunday morning watching japan hour with fresh hotcakes and lots of maple syrup from mcdonalds.
happy new year people.

2008-11-07T05:29:00.000-08:00

well, i met him.
i know i said i wouldn't but i did, due to mom's constant bugging. and since, sis asked me to.
but in the end,im kind of glad it took place.
he took us out for dinner, and we did a whole lot of shopping and catching up. too much for one evening.
mom told me to lie about school cos, she thinks he'll be extremely disappointed.
i know mom still is, but im sure she's going to be alright.
as for me, im serving the nation now. the army forces me to spot a crew cut, clearly violating my credo and not to mention, my human right. i mean, come on, i didn't ask to be born here.it still makes me kind of pissy thinking about it but yeah, it's better than having hair and going to a school using up tens of thosands from mom for that baccalaureate programme.
dad is cool. he wants to pay for my driving license plus i have the standing invite to use his honda whenever i want. dig?
oh, and he's balding like sean connery but i think it looks just dandy.

2008-09-05T14:51:00.000-07:00

it has been more than 8 years since i last heard from him.
i don't think i want to meet him now. or ever for that matter.
since, i got along very well without him all these years.

2008-08-18T01:11:00.001-07:00

today is a much better day.
i feel fantastic.
i think i wanna dance now.

2008-08-17T04:17:00.000-07:00

c.
ugh.she told everyone. =X
its pretty flattering that she likes me.
but i don't think i know her enough to like her back.

f.
sometimes i am so sick of waiting.
sometimes i don't think i like her.
but sometimes i do.
i met her again about two weeks ago.
the feelings came back.then.
but right now, im not feeling it.

feelings can be so deceiving.

h.
today was a bad day.
im disliking sundays.
and i h.a.t.e. working.
im in the mood for some seinfeld now.
and yakult.
i think im turning boring.

i sooooo need a car.

2008-08-02T07:43:00.000-07:00

i wish that it wasn't her who hugged me today but you.

2008-07-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

too exhaustedddddddddddddddddddddddd.

2008-07-27T07:31:00.000-07:00

it's too nice there.
i'm not ready for the maze.
don't move my cheese.yet.
please?

2008-06-11T03:44:00.000-07:00

sometime ago, something really dear to me was taken away. im beginning to remember how i felt then, remembering the sadness and emptiness that i went through. and with hate filled inside of me, i vowed to myself never to forgive that someone who took the only thing that kept me going each day, away. right now, it feels all too familiar. it feels as though, its happening all over again. it feels as though im going to go through all that again. the only difference is, im the one who is doing the taking.

no matter how you live. no matter how much you have. you always dream of something more. what is a life without the pursuit of a dream.

2008-05-19T10:37:00.000-07:00

i think i am beginning to see the meaning behind the saying "life is short".everyday, i know, i would wake up seeing myself with more time. it was as if time had stood still while i was enjoying life, it was as if i was going to go through yesterday all over again.i didnt see maturity, responsibilities etc. coming. at least not so soon.or maybe, in a way, i just didnt want to see.

thats the funny thing with time.you can never feel it, and it works in a way where it would only creep up to you when it is running out, taking you by surprise.i know 3 years has passed.i dont want, or even like to talk about the past.i dont know why.regrets maybe.regrets.i dont like the word.it makes me feel miserable.and i think im changing my perspective now.on how i look at things.like lets say, i never did what i did "regret", then that means that i wouldnt be here now.and i wouldnt have learnt a lesson, which in turn would have made me a better person than before.i really dont know how to put it.and i know what im writing here is not making much sense, but one thing is for sure, i believe in god.and i am a firm believer in fate.whatever hardship we go through,i think that its just his way of making us a more responsible, productive etc. person.in a way guiding us to be more successful in life.as somebody once told me, life is afterall, a learning process.

2008-03-03T01:50:00.000-08:00

funny how things work out.sometimes,you just want something really bad in your life.whatever it is.in my case,a new opportunity,a new direction,a new life.
but when it all gets slapped onto your face with a big card saying enjoy and filled with i love yous,you realise that you don't really want it afterall.
the weeks are ending fast.and i have to leave soon.right now,im not really sure if i want it to happen.
i donated too much blood today.i think im gonna stay in.
be careful what you wish for.

2008-02-29T09:04:00.001-08:00

i'll be leaving soon.in a few weeks.i guess its time for confessions and apologies.

2008-02-12T09:06:00.000-08:00

i am soooooo screwed and i don't know what to do.
i think im going to go sit in the corner now.

2008-02-01T12:05:00.000-08:00

sometimes,i feel that lying to myself is turning into a regular habit.although deep down,i know the truth,but i'd choose to lie to myself just to feel better.and the funny thing is,most of the time,i'd believe my own lies.

2007-11-01T13:25:00.000-07:00

its 4.25 am and i keep feeling like pissing.knn.oh,i'll be out of e country on Monday to some little island for 3 days with a friend.i guess its kinda cool.goodnight people.

2007-09-21T11:24:00.000-07:00

people say that the problems that you seemed preoccupied with never seem to materialise.its the problems that hits you sideways on a thursday evening that knocks you out?

there's no more you now.it's just me.

she's finally gone.and she'll nvr be back to ever read this..........for reals.
fcuk.i thought i wanted that,but now when it has finally happened...i just don't know anymore.anddd...the darnest thing is that now,i can't do anything about it,cos there's alr someone else.with her.i know.i know.she's better off with him.but i dun want her to ever leave.
i just can't stomach the fact that she is going to let somebody else touch her n kiss her n hold her close and do the hell whatever he wants with her.ugh.this is really not jealousy or anything like that..........seriously.it's just that,that guy used to be me.
sad.
maybe im just selfish.maybe im just confused.i dont know what i actually want now.what i do know...is tt im going to miss the times chilling at rail mall doing practically nth with her.and,im gonna miss her waiting and waiting and waiting for me to get my hair done in the toilet.heck,now i even miss fighting with her almost everyday.oh,and the times when we would make up/out after every fight.plus,i miss her smile.i miss her touch.i miss her kisses.
i miss her.
shit.
i should have treated her better.i should have never write those things i wrote about her here,in this bloody blog.
regrets fill me now.
dumb.
dumb.
dumb.
i was bloody retarded.

i still have some of her old messages.and her old photos.by just looking or even thinking about it,these things bring back memories.which in turn brings pain,now.but i can never make myself throw it all away.i don't know why.
all i can do now is quietly,and slowly move on.alone.

2007-09-13T12:15:00.000-07:00

Another day passes.
Another day just like a hundred that have passed before. And another day of aggravation… irritation... and frustration.

2007-08-29T09:59:00.000-07:00

its 1 plus a.m. at night and i feel like running.

2007-03-23T09:55:00.000-07:00

Well love is a bitch, all relationships end.

2007-02-15T09:19:00.000-08:00

okay,i feel sooo much better now after meeting someone after school.then i went to join my good friends at banana leaf for the birthday thing?happy 19th birthday russian tank. =D

things wasnt supposed to be this way.but you preferred this right?ok,now i feel worse.

2007-02-14T08:49:00.000-08:00

oh,i forgot to mention yesterday,since you have been reading my blog,i want you to know that i hate your pictures.starting with the picture of your colleagues with that dumb guy holding onto the umbrella,to the pictures of your schoolmate.i hate his pictures.this guy schoolmate of yours with those big eyes..oh and also the picture of this guy wearing that stupid scarf?or whatever it is he's wearing around his neck.i hate that one a lot.and,i also hate your testimonials.especially the ones with that guy asking you to join the club or something..i forgot what he wrote.and also the one with your workmate saying that he loves you,so you should......blabla,i could go on and on and eventually hate everything.
ya ya,i know i have no right blabla crap. whatever.

2007-02-13T09:06:00.000-08:00

okay.life is pretty frustrating now.i've got too many things on my mind,much more than i can ever handle.i swear i've never been sooooo down my entire life till now...........but,the thing is,when life fcuks you over,all you can do is fcuk it back or lie your way out of it.personally,i like the second option better.i've read somewhere,and i believe this is true,that 'its okay to lie,as long as you dont get caught'.cause if you do,you're a dead man.and thats precisely why im in this shit.i just hope tomorrows a better day.
good night people.

YOU

2007-02-12T01:24:00.000-08:00

hi.
life is making me angry as usual.anddddd,this time it's all thanks to you.
to think that i've wasted my pathetic social life in my room alone with my hamsters,feeling down and thinking about you since 3 weeks ago just cos i was kinda remorseful and guilty over what happened between 'us'.while you on the other hand....were enjoying your life with some bastards whom you call friends going out like there's no tomorrow, and doing who knows what.when you clearly know i won't like it.I feel so stupid,waiting in my room everyday with no calls no nothing from you.fcukkkkkk it.i feel dumb.waiting for something that will never happen.and i think that i never want it to happen now.yes,N.E.V.E.R.
and the worse part is,i did something extremely dumb yesterday and hurt someone who actually cared about me and whom i'll call a true friend just cos i was feeling down because of you.all the problems im having now revolves around you.ooooh,and i regret doing something moronic and calling you yesterday.
i hope you are reading this.
be good and don't you miss me.
anymore.
bye.

2006-12-01T04:15:00.000-08:00

Friends seems to be in short of supply all of a sudden.

2006-11-30T04:55:00.000-08:00

I think of a while ago
We might have had it all
I was so stupid then
You needed time to grow
But now just as things change
As well my feelings do
In time things rearrange
I am so sick of chasing you

But what do I get 'cause I just seem to lose
You make me regret those times I spent with you
And playing those games as I wait for your call
And now I give up, so goodbye and so long

It's not a change of pace
This time I'll get it right
It's not a change of taste
I was the one there last night

You have your other friends
They were there when you cried
Didn't mean to hurt you then
Best friends just won't leave your side

But what do I get 'cause I just seem to lose
You make me regret those times I spent with you
And playing those games as I wait for your call
And now I give up, so goodbye and so long

It's not a change of pace
This time I'll get it right
It's not a change of taste
I was the one there last night

When I needed you most
When I needed a friend
You let me down now
Like I let you down then
So sorry, it's over.

2006-11-23T07:40:00.000-08:00

You know, I really envy those rich kids.
Life is so unfair sometimes..........@#$%!!

2006-11-04T21:49:00.000-08:00

You've been on my mind since you walked past me the other day.

2006-10-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

I guess its true what they say. For every hot girl, ten guys can't stand her.

2006-10-26T09:01:00.000-07:00

I have been spending like nobody's business.
And now I'm sooo broke.
I really can't wait for my pay.
So,I can get an IPod U2. =D
2 more long weeks to wait.
fcukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk it.

2006-10-18T10:08:00.000-07:00

woo. i've been problem-free these past few days and i feel so damn good.
tomorrow i will be going to TP. new faces, new environment. just what i need. a change.
the rate that I was going was only gonna lead me jobless.
but i sure am gonna miss Brandon, Glenn, Daniel, Muz, Farhan, Zee and Shirhan.
the times we shared playing soccer and ogling at girls was the coolest.
top guys in my book.

ok, this is the gayest shiet.
bye.

2006-10-15T09:54:00.001-07:00

Just now I lost my cool, due to this bitchx at work.

2006-08-10T04:12:00.000-07:00

I love holidays. Let's partttttttty.

2006-08-09T02:45:00.000-07:00

ok. I actually dont know what to write. -.-"

anyways, getting my pay soon. woo.
okay, gotta go. forced to go to town with alipO. *highlights and underlines "forced"*
busu wanna go catch the fireworks. maybe meet her later at the esplanade.